“Why does it even bother you? Why do you care?”

I’ve been asked these questions time and time again by numerous people from every facet in my life. Yes, I take certain comments personally, and many events that may be perfectly normal to most are incredibly traumatic for me. Why?

Everyone’s upbringing is different, and no two brains are identical. There are a seemingly endless number of factors that go into processing and reacting to any given situation. Up until a few years ago, I stayed silent, watching people from afar and wondering why I was so different. Why did everyone seem so strong while my skin seemed so thin? I obsessed over absolutely everything, and everyone else seemed to let things go. What was wrong with me? With my brain?

Seven years ago, I started to figure it out. Why? I met someone. He wasn’t the first someone by any means, but this someone completely transformed my life for the better. For the best. 

But this isn’t about him. It’s about his brain chemistry.

While I grew up in what would be considered an affluent, safe, suburban bubble, Rob did not. “Traumatic” doesn’t even begin to describe his childhood. He experienced an upbringing full of violence, abuse, drugs, alcohol, and incredibly irresponsible adults. He made it through unscathed. How is that possible?! He is the calmest and most optimistic person I have ever met. He has never been to therapy, and honestly, he doesn’t seem to need it. His brain chemistry is absolutely incredible. Everything is where it needs to be, and all of his chemicals are properly balanced. I’m convinced I wouldn’t have made it through his childhood alive.

There was a learning curve when Rob and I met. He didn’t understand why being told I weighed too much, receiving a single job rejection, or growing up in a superficially ideal world affected me so strongly. I, on the other hand, couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that his past didn’t traumatize the hell out of him. Seven years later, we’re still learning more about what makes us tic. I’ve shared past experiences with him as well as what I’ve learned in my pursuit of psychology knowledge (link). Although he’ll never completely understand what it’s like to trudge through life with the weight of the world on your shoulders, he gets that I don’t see the world through the same lens he does. His sympathy astounds me, and I am eternally grateful.

 Awareness is essential.

With so many busy brains walking around every day, it’s impossible to know how everyone functions. However, it’s important that everyone functions with understanding. We’re all different. Our minds operate independently from one another, and as much as we try, we can never truly put ourselves in others’ shoes unless we’ve experienced the same events with identical brain chemistries. Pretty unlikely, right? That’s the point. My trauma isn’t your trauma, and yours isn’t mine.

Nevertheless, your trauma is real. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.